How to Have an Argument

Step 1

Be bitter. Nothing says "argument" as well as bitterness. Feel it in your heart.

Step 2

Clam up. Statistics show that this is the best way of making the smallest differences of opinion turn into wildest, stormiest of arguments.

Step 3

Bring to the fore thy bitterness. There will be times when Argumentees will not even see that you are bitter. To let them know, you have to play around with a fine thing called Subtlety. Pass by them, show that you are pretending that you haven't noticed them. Do not acknowledge them unless they do first. If they do, smile, but make it look difficult, what with all the bitterness.

Step 4

Ride on your ego. There will come a time when the clamming up will get to you. You'll want to let Argumentee want to know why you are bitter. Give Argumentee a piece of your mind, you might say. But no. Wait till they ask you why. An infinitely long cold war is better than setting aside your ego and talking about your differences.

Step 5

Never talk in low decibels about what's bothering you. Shout, if you must. Do not even bother with calm explanations. Wait for your feelings to get the best of you, and then explode! 

Please note, there is no room for Mature, open-ended discussions, in today's world. Rather impractical, I would think. Where does it end? Next you'll say you needn't have been bitter either! Things like stepping into the other person's footwear.. Simply Preposterous. It's like there wasn't enough monotony in life already.

Twenty years later, wouldn't you rather say you lived your life interestingly ? What use is peace ? :)

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Disclaimer : Above steps, although noted from the real world, must be followed at own risk. Degrees of success in argument vary from individual to individual. Escape from monotony guaranteed.