I did all that I could.
No one could tell me I didn't try. That weekend, when he invited his colleagues over, I slaved in the kitchen for days before, in preparation. I looked up recipes on the internet, followed them by the word, and created marvels, if I may say so myself. They appreciated it, I could see it on their faces, though they didn't say much to me. And that night he complained that I didn't make enough conversation with his friends. Dumb, he called me. And what about the time when Mahesh called from Bombay? I don't know what angered him so much. I had to keep the right side of my face hidden from even the maid for almost a week after that. Mahesh had only called to say he was getting married. Maybe he should have just sent across an invitation by post. But then I had called Mahesh back when it was decided that I would marry - Him. him. I remember being so excited.
And I tried. On our anniversary, I decorated the entire house, prepared my best dishes and wore my best dress. I was excited to give him all the gifts I had brought. I waited for him till 2 the next morning, when he arrived. Alcohol Odoured, Odious. Within a few minutes he passed out on the living room couch. He never knew, of my preparations, or of our anniversary.
I really did try. You had told me once. Real strength is in knowing when to give up and when to hold on. I held on. For as long as I could flap my arms and stay afloat in that drowning sea. But today, I must give up. And I know. I know I can stretch this attempt no further.
And I'm scared, Pa, of the world outside. Of what the world will say. Of what You will say. I hope you get this letter before I arrive. I do not know how to face you now that I have given up. I do not know how to say these words to you.