Saturday, February 23, 2008

Imagination Indulge #1

I did all that I could.

No one could tell me I didn't try. That weekend, when he invited his colleagues over, I slaved in the kitchen for days before, in preparation. I looked up recipes on the internet, followed them by the word, and created marvels, if I may say so myself. They appreciated it, I could see it on their faces, though they didn't say much to me. And that night he complained that I didn't make enough conversation with his friends. Dumb, he called me. And what about the time when Mahesh called from Bombay? I don't know what angered him so much. I had to keep the right side of my face hidden from even the maid for almost a week after that. Mahesh had only called to say he was getting married. Maybe he should have just sent across an invitation by post. But then I had called Mahesh back when it was decided that I would marry - Him. him. I remember being so excited.

And I tried. On our anniversary, I decorated the entire house, prepared my best dishes and wore my best dress. I was excited to give him all the gifts I had brought. I waited for him till 2 the next morning, when he arrived. Alcohol Odoured, Odious. Within a few minutes he passed out on the living room couch. He never knew, of my preparations, or of our anniversary.

I really did try. You had told me once. Real strength is in knowing when to give up and when to hold on. I held on. For as long as I could flap my arms and stay afloat in that drowning sea. But today, I must give up. And I know. I know I can stretch this attempt no further.

And I'm scared, Pa, of the world outside. Of what the world will say. Of what You will say. I hope you get this letter before I arrive. I do not know how to face you now that I have given up. I do not know how to say these words to you.

Love.

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I acknowledge that my posts are getting increasingly dismal :) Trying to tune my imagination, and as I said here, I thrive on grief when I write ;) Allow me my indulgence while I work how I can switch to better emotions..or none at all.

8 comments:

AjAy said...

Are you too much grieved??? That is what I felt!! Too much of creativity oozing out!!
:)
Keep writing, it is not dismal at all!!
Nice flight of fancy!!
;)
Nice reading it!!

Manju said...

" I thrive on grief ;) " ... hmmm...

The Mad Hatter said...

That's one extremely depressed writer we have here ... ;-)

Would it be asking too much for some sense and backbone in the lead characters? I mean, ditch the creep and move on would be good advice to this young lady (the character, not the writer!).

On the other hand, how about writing the creep's side of the story as well?

Rach said...

@ Ajay: Thanks!
@ manju: Hmm.. :)
@ The Mad Hatter: The young lady is doing exactly that isn't she ? She has finally decided to let go and move on. She writes as she has made up her mind. The way I see it, her (possibly) orthodox mindset tells her it is the wrong thing to do, and she feels she has to explain her decision.

Creep's side of the story - awesome idea. Hopefully will be implemented soon!

The Mad Hatter said...

Maybe I'm genuinely mad, I read it as a suicide note the first time around.

Maybe you could rewrite that way, that'd make the story even darker

BWAHAHAHAHA >:-)

Rach said...

Wow. I didn't realise it would be subject to that interpretation. :)

Suprita said...

"Real strength is in knowing when to give up and when to hold on."

So true. So so true..
Sigh.

WnG said...

This is a really great piece.. I haven't visited your blog in a long while. Nice post Rach!

I read the other half of the story before I came on this one. Seems to me both aren't wrong, having the outlook they have. It's the magical communication passage that is sadly missing. Which reminds me how correct the new airtel ad line is. ' talking breaks down barriers' or something to the similar effect.