He woke that morning, excited, elated. He had decided to give this another try. He would celebrate the day, celebrate what he had. A loving family, something to do everyday, creativity, someone.
Today was the day. He was going to do it. He would now sacrifice without question. He would show them that they could trust him again. That he was a dependable adult, responsible in action.
The first thing he would do was tell them all the truth. Today. That would be the first and most significant step. Once he had done that, conquered that mountain of a feat, everything would fall into place. He would rest without guilt. Without a pricking conscience. Yes, he would do that. They would all understand. Mistakes are part of being human. They know that, they make 'em too.
Alright then, lets gather up the courage. Not an easy task it was. Come to think of it, he wasn't much used to speaking his heart to most people. Why was that? He reflected on his life and how he failed to speak about important things, when it was most needed. Baring one's heart should have been made a course in school. Compulsory. How to talk about what's on your mind. Of course, some of his friends would've aced the course. That pony-tailed girl in class 9. His best friend in college. He was very often rather taken aback by their unabashed sentimental honesty. What did it take, he wondered, to be like that? A little more courage, a little less shame at feeling the way one does, he reckoned.
Courage, he remembered, that he now needs, to tell Them things that they might not want to hear. Would they really understand? Maybe it will only make things worse. What one does not know, does not hurt, went the old cliched adage. But it would make things better, he had reasoned it all out. The first step to better things, he reminded himself. But then, did he really have to? Was it worth it?
Maybe I'll tell them tomorrow, came a thought. Yes, tomorrow I will. Just not today.